sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
