I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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