Someone shit on the floor
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
