Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
