im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
