I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
