I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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