Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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