the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
