I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
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I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
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we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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