Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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