Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
