So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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