i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
