Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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