I wish life had little blips of pornography
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
