mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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