I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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