Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
