I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My life is pants optional.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
