i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
