He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
