sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
