I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
