And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
