been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You've changed since you got that strap on
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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