can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
