the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
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Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
God, I missed his penis.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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