im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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