DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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