it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
it's great music for shaving your balls
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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