i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
home. puking in laundry basket.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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