so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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