There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
