Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she looked like the before picture.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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