reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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