I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
