Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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