i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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