i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Blood and glitter go together right?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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