Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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