Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
