Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
