I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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