Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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