So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
