Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
