Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Drunk is not a location!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
