We're facebook friends in real life
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
