Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
