he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
