she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
