She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
