i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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