forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
