Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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