I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
