I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
