Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
