So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
