i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
