friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
