this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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