3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Randomize
