I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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