I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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