I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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