She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
