I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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