mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
