I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
