is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
