Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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