Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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