dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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