the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
