Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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